You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
