dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
