You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
