I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize