was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
