To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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