accomplished twins. life is a go
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
