I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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