I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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