I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
