If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
