I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
