The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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