i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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