Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
