i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize