Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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