A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize