we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
