I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
