then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
