My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
