she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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