I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
