It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
