Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
