god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
