I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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