I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
