hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
