I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
