so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
