Cold hands, warm shart.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
