Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
