i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
