planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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