I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
