I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
