I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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