Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
