Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
