She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
