just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
