I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
