you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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