there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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