like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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