The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize