is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did I show you my penis last night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
