Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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