AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
