Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
