he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
