We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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