I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
