I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
