You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
