none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
