Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want her autograph on my taint
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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