Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We need to get me chipped asap
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
