areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
