Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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