i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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