Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize