he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
