If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
