I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
